


Avoidance

by SongbirdsTune



Series: Pepper Potts Is Not Okay [2]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Crack, F/M, Fantasy, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-11
Updated: 2018-09-11
Packaged: 2019-07-11 05:21:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15965561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SongbirdsTune/pseuds/SongbirdsTune
Summary: Pepper Potts, Queen of Avoidance





	Avoidance

**Author's Note:**

> Look. Here's the quick blow-by-blow account: Pepper Potts was thrown into an alternate world just before the first Ironman movie took place. In her world, she was gone for a few moments, in reality - she was gone for far longer. This gave her perspective. This also gave her a huge load of OH MY GOSH WHAT THE HECK that she's never confronted. She's still dealing with it.
> 
> Also, this is a crack fic.
> 
> Also, I am having enormous fun.

In between the whole ‘I am Ironman’, Tony nearly _dying_ (which, let’s be honest, if she hadn’t have sworn an _oath_ to stand by his side – not his _company’s_ side – but _his_ side, she wouldn’t have noticed as quickly as she did. Which admittedly wasn’t as fast as she _should_ have done – and she still blames herself for that – but at least she managed to ask _what the heck, Tony?_ when he decided to make her into the actual CEO of- ah- _hem_. Where was she? Oh yes.) and the actually _crazy_ events that were now the _normal reality of her life …_

(!!!!!)

… Pepper Potts hasn’t had any time to tell Tony what happened.

This is a lie – she’s had plenty of time and opportunity and she’s pretty sure that he has several theories as to why she occasionally has nightmares, is deathly afraid of fantasy movies, and flinches every time she sees anything to do with Lord of the Rings and (strangely enough) Paddington Bear.

(He finds that hilarious.)

(She does not.)

But she’s excellent at hiding things – if not from the world – then from herself.

**CASE IN POINT:**

… that time in Monaco when she leapt from the car and opened a can of ineffective _whoopass_ on Vanko. It didn’t actually work, and she ended up looking like an idiot and having a nice scar on her leg, but afterwards, when Tony went all ‘ _what the hell were you thinking?!!!’_ she told him she was just doing her job. (‘ _I’m sorry, did you confuse your job description with Happy’s – what the HELL were you thinking?’_ )

( _‘Saving you, you absolute IDOT.’)_

(‘ _I DIDN’T NEED SAVING, YOU NEEDED TO HAND ME THE SUITCASE’_ )

(‘ _Oh my gosh! You are SO ungrateful!’_ )

And then there was the omelette and ‘oh I’m dying, also _what’s been happening with you?’_ but Pepper was proud of the way she managed to be so outraged that _you were dying and you didn’t tell me???_ that she never had to answer the question.

Boom! Pepper Potts, Mistress of Hiding (wow, that’s … not the greatest title she’s ever come up with) strikes once more.

(She avoids the fact that JARVIS has a file that she _accidentally_ overheard Tony referencing. He’s called it ‘The Pepperton Bear Case’ which is the height of humour. Not.)

\---

After the whole Extremis thing (‘Extremis thing’ is an understatement. But if Pepper _really_ thinks about what happens … she’ll overthink it. She refuses to overthink it.) Tony keeps looking at her, expecting her to break down or at least _panic._ Pepper does neither. She doesn’t even bat an eyelid.

 _That was really violent,_ she remarks and then they go to- well, not home (that’s destroyed) but to a hotel somewhere and Tony has such a lot that he needs to tell her and she can turn into a fireball and sure, that needs to be fixed, but it’s not the strangest thing that’s happened to her. (Okay. It’s in the top five.)

**TOP FIVE STRANGEST THINGS THAT HAVE HAPPENED TO PEPPER POTS:**

  1. That time when that mutant did that thing to her where she went to a different world _for an actual eternity._
  2. That one time in Bangkok where Tony- (She’s blanked this one out because of what happened to the ballet. As in, _the entire ballet company._ Also, the property damage which she _still_ get stomach ulcers thinking about.)
  3. That time that elf prince tried to take her forearm hair to make a love potion for his prize stud and mare so that the Line Of The Mighty Stallion Medmortli would continue. (Seriously, why on earth would ‘the forearm hair of a ginger’ be on any _list_ of ingredients?) _AND THEN_ when she protested about the absurdity of it, they tried to put the hair back. Pepper had no words. No. That wasn’t true. She had plenty. None of which were coherent.
  4. That time Pepper was plunged into the Library Of Doom where _nothing_ was organised and if you did organise it, _it would become undone_ and do _not_ get her started on the Scholars. They would ramble around the point FOREVER which was _not_ what Pepper has ever done but goodness gracious! She was stuck in there for. three. whole. months.
  5. Extremis. (Okay. So this is more like number two. But _she’s not going to overthink this._ )



Pepper undergoes three surgeries and four courses of Tony-designed drugs to be completely recovered. And sure, the surgeries are a pain (ha, literally) and the drugs make her loopy for days, during which …

Well.

She may have slipped up a little.

“Tony,” she says, curled up on a couch.

“Hmmm, Pepper?”

“You know what I hate about elves?”

“I don’t know. Tell me. What do you hate about elves? Their pointy ears? Perfect hair? OH! Are we talking about Smurfs? Would you call Smurfs elves?”

Pepper doesn’t open her eyes. The sun is shining through the window. Tony is somewhere near her, concentrating on the plans that she’ll have to organise and arrange one hundred thousand things and it’ll be so much _work_ and in the mean time she’s going to lie here, let the drugs work in her system, and do _nothing_.

Nothing except explain:

“Their eyelashes, Tony. Their eyelashes are so _perfect_ and it’s _sickening_ and do you want do know something, Tony?”

“Enlighten me.”

Pepper opens her eyes (the light is painful but she powers through because: _outrage_ ) and lifts her head an inch. “They’re FAKE!”

There’s a gasp. “NO!”

“Uh-huh. FAKE Tony! And I’m there feeling all ugly and dumpy like, like a PEACH-“

“You mean like a pepper.”

“-and then they have the AUDACITY to say _that I have freckles._ I mean it’s TRUE.”

“Um. One, how dare they. Two, I love your freckles.”

“Thank you, Tony. But they actually, naturally, _don’t have any eyelashes._ ”

“Huh. Weird.”

Pepper drops her head back onto the couch. “You better be glad I was willing to leave them. Spider’s legs! Why would they use _spider’s legs_?!”

Sleep kicks in after that. The quiet that follows is interrupted by Tony’s voice: “JARVIS, did you catch that?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Add the audio recording to the Pepperton Bear Case and check if a dose of 2.5 milligrams of Hyprealivik would result in hallucinations.”

“Of course, sir.”

She doesn’t remember telling Tony about the elves, and if she does, she avoids it.

Because some truths ( _Tony was dying, she nearly was too)_ outweigh others ( _oh my gosh she has so many issues that she should probably confront)_ … no. Well. Yes.

Let’s rephrase that:

Some truths have to be confronted, dealt with, faced.

Other truths are just easier to avoid.

Like an ostrich, Pepper is burying her head in the sand.

(Though JARVIS would probably correct her: burying their heads in the sand is a common misconception when it comes to ostriches.)

 _Un_ like an ostrich, Pepper is burying her head in the metaphorical sand; if she can’t look at the memories and the invisible scars etched on her soul and mind … they won’t be there.

She’s _fine._

Totally _fine._

 


End file.
